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Mommy
Parody of “Royals”

I do my dishes in the sink
I clean the diapers when they stink – from the poopy
And I’m so proud of my own kids in their torn up clothes
No good at mending

But every kid’s like breastfeed, boo-boos,
Food crusted in the car
Clothes stains, Legos, trashin’ up the back yard,
We don’t care, we’re all clean in our dreams
But everybody’s like Sponge Bob, Babe’s Bach
Come with me – I gotta pee
Cloth books, dinos, princess at tea party,
We don’t care, there’s no dignity in daddyhood

And we’ll never be Mommy (Mommy)
We don’t have that chromosome
We make a different kind of home
But you’ll never be alone
Let me be your ruler, you can call me Big D
And clean baby drool, some drool, some drool.
Let me live that fantasy

My friends and I, we’ve cracked the code.
We do our laundry when they sleep – for their nap times
And everyone who knows us knows that we’re fine with this
Yet, we’re still not Mommy

But everybody’s like new teeth, time outs, trippin’ over Legos
Blood stains, ball gowns, shleppin’ my own kiddos,
We don’t care, we’re trying to help our kids reach dreams.
But everybody’s like how tall?  Babe’s Bach
Come with me – I gotta pee
Cloth books, dinos, princess at tea party,
We don’t care, there’s no dignity in daddyhood

And we’ll never be Mommy (Mommy)
We don’t have that chromosome
We make a different kind of home
But you’ll never be alone
Let me be your ruler, you can call me Big D
And clean baby drool, some drool, some drool.
Let me live that fantasy

Oooh ooooh ohhh
It’s better than we’ve ever dreamed
We get them to stop their screams
Oooooh ooooh ohhhh life is great as their hero
When you parent with no fear-o

And we’ll never be Mommy (Mommy)
We don’t have that chromosome
We make a different kind of home
But you’ll never be alone
Let me be your ruler, you can call me Big D
And clean baby drool, some drool, some drool.
Let me live that fantasy

Scott Sempier

Author Scott Sempier

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